Question for BS were you the one to end the relationship or was it ...

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Today, 08:57 AM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Near Chicago, USA Posts: 352	Quote: I was recently thinking about this, how many BSs out there were actually the ones who ended there relationship. Most affairs seem to follow the same path, The WS becomes infatuated with the affair partner and either leave the BS for their affair partner or eventually ends the affair (The latter being the most common in my opinion) But I don't read "many" stories where Upon D-Day or after an attempt at recovery the BS ends the relationship and I was wondering why that is. So I thought I would ask do you all do you really think most affairs can be recovered from?? also when a recovery/marriage fails because of infidelity do you think it's because the BS wants it to or because the WS does?? I am the BS. I filed for divorce after a six month false recovery, in which my cheater spouse was not remorseful and expected me to be over his emotional, physical and financial infidelity. I think a lot more marriages eventually fail. It may take five years or ten years but eventually the BS walks away. You don't hear about this on the internet because most sites are making money trying to instill hope that they can save your marriage. I think the failure rate is far higher than reported. MC can not save a marriage. It may delay a divorce and the counselors my never learn of that eventual divorce so the stat becomes that they saved the marriage. I think what happens is that it takes the deception of an affair awhile to sink into the brain of the faithful. Once it does they start to see how they were gaslighted by the cheater and the MC's into taking way too much responsibility for problems in the marriage. IMO, in reality cheaters are selfish self absorbed people. Such people never change. It is part of their core personality. It may have been instilled in childhood by over indulgent parents, or it may be something inborn. Eventually the faithful spouse realizes how selfish their cheater spouse is and when they do, rather than cheat, they seek a divorce. I do think many faithful spouses stay longer than they should, but than eventually wake up.
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Today, 09:13 AM	? #4 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: SEPA Posts: 6,198	Quote: So I thought I would ask do you all do you really think most affairs can be recovered from?? also when a recovery/marriage fails because of infidelity do you think it's because the BS wants it to or because the WS does?? actually I don't think most affairs can be recovered from, it takes true remorse from the WS and you don't see that as often as you see either rug-sweeping, deeper underground affairs or D. Chap throws around a 30% R rate and it would be silly to assume all R's are real, I would probably think about half of them truly are. So it would put the "real" recovery rate at around 15%. as to the 2nd question- Both have to want R for it to work so that means the WS has to work for years at helping the BS heal and the BS has to value the relationship and WS enough to go through the pain and forgiveness. So I can't honestly tell you who bails more, it's a tough road for both parties. I would think a WS doesn't "bail" by starting D process as often, but their actions will often cause the BS to bail (either by cake eating, rugsweeping, non-transparency, trickle truth, etc) So while you probably don't see the WS filing as often as the BS, their actions are the driving force regardless.
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Today, 09:32 AM	? #5 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Near Chicago, USA Posts: 352	Quote: I would think a WS doesn't "bail" by starting D process as often, but their actions will often cause the BS to bail (either by cake eating, rugsweeping, non-transparency, trickle truth, etc) So while you probably don't see the WS filing as often as the BS, their actions are the driving force regardless. Exactly. IMO, cheaters are cowards. They want to end the marriage but since they are into the blame game. They want to force the faithful spouse to divorce them, hence they provoke them. Most cheaters desperately want to see themselves as good people. They are not. But to maintain their good person image, they continually emotionally abuse the spouse in ways that are not obvious to outsiders and when this provokes the faithful spouse to Divorce, the cheater can claim he tried to reconcile, when, in reality he did not. Also, they can retain their fantasy of being a good person. Emotional abuse that is not obvious to an outsider is called ambient abuse and it can be very destructive to the faithful spouse.
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Today, 09:39 AM	? #7 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: MI Posts: 208	Quote: I am the BS. I filed for divorce after a six month false recovery, in which my cheater spouse was not remorseful and expected me to be over his emotional, physical and financial infidelity. I think a lot more marriages eventually fail. It may take five years or ten years but eventually the BS walks away. You don't hear about this on the internet because most sites are making money trying to instill hope that they can save your marriage. I think the failure rate is far higher than reported. MC can not save a marriage. It may delay a divorce and the counselors my never learn of that eventual divorce so the stat becomes that they saved the marriage. I think what happens is that it takes the deception of an affair awhile to sink into the brain of the faithful. Once it does they start to see how they were gaslighted by the cheater and the MC's into taking way too much responsibility for problems in the marriage. IMO, in reality cheaters are selfish self absorbed people. Such people never change. It is part of their core personality. It may have been instilled in childhood by over indulgent parents, or it may be something inborn. Eventually the faithful spouse realizes how selfish their cheater spouse is and when they do, rather than cheat, they seek a divorce. I do think many faithful spouses stay longer than they should, but than eventually wake up. 5 years R here, filing for divorce this week. Everything you said could not have been any better. Selfish. That's all they are. They don't care, its all about them. Serial cheaters are the worst.
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Today, 10:02 AM	? #9 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Near Chicago, USA Posts: 352	Quote: 5 years R here, filing for divorce this week. Everything you said could not have been any better. Selfish. That's all they are. They don't care, its all about them. Serial cheaters are the worst. IMO, a lot of people try too long to reconcile because they want to believe it is a possibility and that all the pablum about a marriage being better after learning of an infidelity. That's Bull hockey, IMO, a marriage is never better for the BS after cheating. It's only better for the cheater. He/she got the thrill of a new dating and/or sexual relationship, plus they get to keep their loyal faithful spouse. A spouse who all too willingly accepts blame and tries hard to make things better for the cheater. What does the loyal spouse get. Nothing but heart ache, a bad case of post infidelity PTSD, a spouse that they can never trust again, a marriage that is a sham and never the same as it was prior. A marriage is supposed to be a safe harbor from the stresses of the world, a place where you can feel safe and loved. No one said a marriage is going to be easy. It's work, but both went in knowing that and still agreeing to forsake all others. After infidelity the marriage is anything but that for the loyal spouse. Your spouse already forsook you for another, and if they were bad mouthing you to the OP, then they were all too willingly stabbed you in the back. Nothing will ever change that.
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Today, 10:28 AM	? #12 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Michigan Posts: 434	Well, that's very comforting. I'm glad I don't feel that way about my marriage... and I'm glad my husband doesn't either. I know, this was specifically about which partner chose to end the relationship, if it ended. But reading the replies... I understand why there is hurt, anger, and even resentment... but saying, or implying, that a WS will never change is untrue. In saying that, the implication is that my marriage is going to fail (both of us had EAs), Entropy's will fail, Sigma's will, etc. I don't believe it. I believe that if both are willing to work at the marriage, it can be rebuilt. Yes, the majority of the work is on the WS, but the BS has to be willing to forgive... to truly forgive. I disagree with the idea that any who have been plagued by unfaithfulness are doomed to fail. I think it will fail if they settle back into old patterns again, but not if they truly work on fixing it. But that's JMO. Sorry if this seems to be attacking. I DO understand that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I just disagree with the thought that it ALL ends no matter what. If that wasn't the intent, then I apologize.
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Today, 10:44 AM	? #14 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: May 2012 Location: Near Chicago, USA Posts: 352	Quote: Well, that's very comforting. I'm glad I don't feel that way about my marriage... and I'm glad my husband doesn't either. I know, this was specifically about which partner chose to end the relationship, if it ended. But reading the replies... I understand why there is hurt, anger, and even resentment... but saying, or implying, that a WS will never change is untrue. In saying that, the implication is that my marriage is going to fail (both of us had EAs), Entropy's will fail, Sigma's will, etc. I don't believe it. I believe that if both are willing to work at the marriage, it can be rebuilt. Yes, the majority of the work is on the WS, but the BS has to be willing to forgive... to truly forgive. I disagree with the idea that any who have been plagued by unfaithfulness are doomed to fail. I think it will fail if they settle back into old patterns again, but not if they truly work on fixing it. But that's JMO. Sorry if this seems to be attacking. I DO understand that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I just disagree with the thought that it ALL ends no matter what. If that wasn't the intent, then I apologize. What we are saying is that the number of marriages that survive infidelity is much lower than reported by MCs or marriage saver sites. There is no statistical follow though, and has been mentioned many those who decide to divorce five years later, never come back to sites like this or to a MC. Also, what we are saying is that the marriage will NEVER be better for the loyal spouse. It may survive, but it will not be better for the loyal spouse as some marriage saver sites or counselors (all of whom make money off of perpetuating that belief) are saying. You trusted someone, and now you can't. You thought you were special and now you know you're not. How in heck does that make things better for the loyal spouse In the case where both spouses cheated. Maybe it can work better. I don't know, at least two disloyal spouse know how it feels and have a level playing field.
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Sleep Apnea and Snoring can be MAJOR ... - Healthy MidLife

Sunday, June 3rd, 2012 at 4:56 pm ?

Written by Dr. Scott Wagner

Snoring and sleep apnea don?t always go hand-in-hand, but one is often an indication of the other. This is all because of what sleep apnea is and how it affects the body.

If you?re not familiar with it already, sleep apnea is a serious condition that keeps patients from getting enough oxygen while they sleep. In fact, a sleep apnea patient will actually stop breathing for 10, 20, 30 or more seconds. That doesn?t sound bad, except when you add that they can do this sometimes hundreds of times per night. As a result, they might spend the entire night cycling through patterns of sleeping and waking, sometimes without even knowing it. I always say, ?We need 3 things to live.? 1) Food: However, Gandhi and others throughout our history have shown, we can go a weeks without food. 2) Water: we can actually go several days without it (if we had to). 3) Air: How long can you hold your breath? Obviously, we can literally live only a couple minutes without air.

TEST YOURSELF: Get a stopwatch out. Exhale normally, but DO NOT INHALE. Start the timer. Hold your breath for 30 seconds. See how long you can go. How do you feel after 10 seconds? 20 seconds? Can you make it to 30 seconds? Imagine repeating that cycle over and over during the night. Do you think your body would feel ?rested? in the AM? Physiologically, sleep apnea can dramatically change your body for the worse very quickly. To give you an example, smoking and alcohol increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, heart attacks, strokes, etc. by a factor ranging from 7 to 11 (depending on which study you read). However, moderate to severe sleep apnea can increase your risks of the same by a factor of 34! Even mild apnea can raise your blood pressure, trigger diabetes, make it difficult to lose weight, and give you a feeling of chronic fatigue! This is serious stuff!

So how can you know if you have sleep apnea?

Snoring is a common indicator, while other symptoms include daytime drowsiness, depression, irritability, fatigue, and short-term memory loss. If you?ve noticed that you suffer from any of these, consider scheduling an appointment with your physician (or a dentist trained in snoring/sleep apnea). Sleep apnea may be a serious condition, but it can often be treated conservatively with a custom-made oral appliance. Men and women with weight issues are immediately at risk for apnea. Men with a 16.5? neck size or greater are automatically defined as being at risk. However, as a dentist, some of my clients that have the worst level of apnea are very skinny. So, while being overweight is a risk factor, it is not automatically diagnostic. There is a test called the ?Epworth Sleepiness Scale? that can easily be found online. It is a simple test that can give you an idea of whether you are at risk. However, the only way to truly diagnose sleep apnea is to have a physician prescribed test. If we suspect that you have sleep apnea, we refer you immediately to your physician. If your M.D. is not comfortable referring you for a sleep study, we have several sleep centers and physicians that we work in conjunction with to help you get diagnosed quickly. Ultimately, achieving high quality sleep is paramount to your health.

Treating Sleep Apnea and Snoring with an Oral Appliance

Sleep apnea has many degrees of severity and an often time requires the use of a CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) appliance. Other times, when apnea is milder, it can be treated with an oral appliance (a type of simple mouth guard). Regardless of the degree of apnea, diagnosis is key. Sleep apnea and snoring are often caused by an obstructed airway. An oral appliance works by holding your jaw forward during sleep, ensuring that those airways remain open all night long. That means that instead of waking up constantly during the night, or keeping your partner awake with your snoring, you can both get the full night of rest you deserve. We are a sleep deprived country. The quantity of your sleep is often times over-rated. The most important factor is the QUALITY of your sleep. If you had 10 hours of poor quality sleep versus 5 hours of high quality sleep, I?ll take the latter any day or night!

If you think you might have sleep apnea but haven?t been diagnosed yet, do not wait any longer. Every night you go to bed, you could be putting your health in jeopardy. You can also visit http://www.eccellasmiles.com/to learn more about this condition and take a standardized sleep apnea test. Happy Sleeping!

W. Scott Wagner, DMD, LVIF

Smiles, Skin, Sports, and Wellness

http://www.eccellasmiles.com/

Filed under: Middle Age Health

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Best and Affordable Electrical Services provides by Electrician San ...

Electricity is a modern amenity in the home. Electrical work is very hard and rough task. In an Electrical work, wiring is a little a specialized, professional, approved, insured work done by the electricians in an everyday manner. Wiring a house or office is not a very easy task. Electrician San Jose hires only the best and affordable electricians in the area to make sure that our work are held up to the high quality, standard and have committed ourselves to. Electricians San Jose does our best to give reasonable estimations, work fast and safely, and stay on time and on budget.

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Teaching Techniques in Recent Times

Teacher training courses have not only gained importance in recent times but are mandatory to keep in line with the new techniques, policies and regulations that influence how we teach our kids. Various sorts of teacher training courses are designed to cater to the individual levels at which the teacher wishes to teach. These courses not only impart the basic know-how to the aspirant teachers, but also help to equip them with the psychological and emotional understanding of children and thus, groom them to understand and impart knowledge in a way best suitable for children at various stages of life.

India is the second largest populated country in the world and the market for teaching jobs India is particularly substantive and is ever-growing.

The Government of India is also increasing its? expenditure on education and the number of public and private schools is also seeing a steady growth along with the openings for teaching jobs India. More often than not, the prerequisite of these jobs is a proper Teacher training course from a reputed Institute. It is also to be remembered that with the advent of globalization, the English language has gained immense significance and is used as a global language to communicate with people from different states and backgrounds. More and more people find it of utmost importance to have their children well-versed in English and teachers who find themselves unable to communicate effectively in English, should undergo a teacher training course to be able to keep up with the changing times.

Just like there is no dearth of teaching jobs India, there is also no scarcity when it comes to teaching jobs abroad. Education and the skill sets required to instruct are required world-wide. There are still many nations like India, who find it necessary to train the young generation in today?s lingua franca, English. Taking up teacher training jobs as a profession is very beneficial for people, who are fond of traveling and enjoy exploring various parts of the world. Teaching is both enjoyable and a valuable experience while being a steady source of income. People, who travel abroad for staying closer to relatives or those who go abroad for higher education, often take up teaching as a profession, which will never go out of fashion and is also very satisfying at a personal level. Teacher training jobs abroad are not only available for higher levels but also for pre-school and primary levels and experienced teachers with proper training courses in their kitty, are consistently hired from foreign nations.

Even though teaching jobs are in abundance abroad and in India, teaching is never to be considered lightly. To nurture the minds of young and to mature and educate their thought process and over-all being requires a lot of determination, persistence and specialized skills. To face these demands of teaching, aspirants and already accomplished teachers must go through the suitable teachers? training courses and stay afloat with the needs of changing times and face the youth confidently.

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'Avengers' sinks 'Battleship' at box office

By Lisa Richwine and Piya Sinha-Roy, Reuters

Superhero movie "The Avengers" topped U.S. and Canadian box office charts for a third straight weekend with $55.1 million, sending action movie "Battleship" into second place and toppling comedy "The Dictator," according to studio estimates on Sunday.

"Avengers," from Walt Disney Co's Marvel Studios, has amassed more than $457 million in domestic ticket sales since its debut earlier this month and another $723 million internationally for a worldwide total of $1.18 billion, according to Disney.

"Battleship," which had high hopes of becoming a summer blockbuster in the U.S. and Canada, could muster only $25.3 million this weekend in the face of the "Avengers" juggernaut.

Sacha Baron Cohen's satirical comedy "The Dictator," which has been heavily promoted in advance of its debut, finished in third place for the weekend with $17.4 million. Since its debut last Wednesday, it has taken in a total of $24.5 million in domestic - U.S. and Canadian - ticket sales.

"Battleship" was launched by Universal Pictures, a unit of Comcast Corp. Viacom Inc's Paramount Pictures distributed "The Dictator."

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Sergey Brin and Larry Page Accept a Webby Before Google Was a Juggernaut [Video]

Back in the year 2000 Google was a humble search startup with a killer algorithm. For that, the company was awarded a Webby for Technical Achievement. Larry Page and Sergey Brin are positively adorable in this interview with Sam Donaldson. More »

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